These aren't our real names of course, we're actually Titch and Millie (and if you want to be really posh and call us by our pedigree names, we're Dejakin Lovage and Dejakin Marjoram, but that's quite a mouthful for everyday use

It's Monday, when Pooster and I usually spend the day watching Mr Squirrel run about on the fence outside, or relax in front of the Biography channel, but Mum's home today so we're having to entertain her.

She's been really lazy today - and, when I come to think of it, all weekend too. I've woken her up every morning at the usual time but she's stayed in bed until almost lunchtime And she hasn't even bothered to get dressed or wash her hair, very slovenly I say. A catling would never let themselves go like that